Stachetoberfest – Stone Brewing

Attention Hicks and Hillbillies,

This is the year you’ve all been waiting for. We’ve decided it’s about time we honor the short lived, legendary Cowboy era of America. “Cowboys aren’t dead Polito, I wear a hat all the time, and my boots are fire.” My point exactly.

I’d like to say we identify with cowboys in the fire service. Throughout time there are hard vocations, that not everyone can do, are dangerous, and deserve respect.Cowboys were exactly that. And I’d say, most firefighters can claim the same status from time to time (depends what dept. or station you’re at).

The real cowboys were bad asses. To own that title,I’d say you have to be proficient on a horse with a rope, have ridden a steer, can shoot a gun, you’re at home outside, and you can handle yourself in just about any situation…or die trying. There’s still a few out there that fit that description.I’m close, but I’m no good with a rope and if you ask my brother, I haven’t technically ridden a steer. In my defense, I was above a steer for a very brief moment…before he broke my coccyx. I think it counts.

Now, I got a strong coccyx (I won an award in high school). But my coccyx wasn’t himself that day. You see, I was on my bachelor party in Idaho. The day prior, I jumped off a 70’ cliff into a reservoir wearing a jock strap (bachelor parties…man, who came up with these traditions).

Cliff jumping is fun. But I never realized the exponential protection an .8mm piece of swimsuit fabric offers…until it wasn’t there. You wanna know what happens? You blow up your colon like a water balloon-no barrier. It’s like asking your butthole to resist a ground monitor at 1000 GPM, it’s just not feasible. But it’s a one-way valve (for most), so after I blew up my one-gallon water balloon, it didn’t deflate until I gave it permission…which I did-shortly after…I swear I pooped out a bass.

Anyways, the steer; you know the cowboy-qualifier: I was at this Idaho cattle ranch wedding (same bachelor party), the day after the colon balloon, and well hydrated when I ran up behind an unsuspecting steer and did a handspring off of his hind quarters in order to get a good mount. Well, before I landed, he bucked me so fierce, I felt the click of all my vertebrae, and slammed my teeth so hard it hurt my ears. After that…my butt just didn’t feel right.

I got married days later. Before we flew 23hrs to Fiji, I thought it might be a good idea to visit Ol’ Dr. Baron, my family doctor. He did a clothed examination, palpated, and then had one of those faces.Like the one a mechanic makes when he looks at your engine. “Your coccyx isn’t broken, but it’s dislocated. It’s gonna have to be reset.”

“How do I do that,” I asked like a virgin.

“Internally,” he said somberly.

“Aww man,” I said, looking at my new wife. Most men shamefully disclose the choices of their youth to the woman choosing to accept them. I was shamefully making a memory while my new bride watched like a spectator.

Dr. Baron grabbed a glove, put it on, and right as he snapped it, he smiled and said, “Don’t worry Dominic, people come from all over the world for these hands,” and he held up this tiny, little, carnie hand. TheLord is merciful. Dr. B put me all back together and I left walking out like a cowboy.

Needless to say, I flew to Fiji on a donut pillow.

Whoa! What just happened?

That’s a fireman alright. You mention one word (cowboy) and he ends up telling a story about steers, water balloons, rubber gloves, and buttholes. Nothings sacred around here.

StachetoberFest, here we go! Hopefully by now you’re growing your sweet stache. We’re looking at October 7th this year, Stone Brewery, 5pm to close. Tickets are $25. Kids 18 and under are free. Food’ll be available on the website for pre-order purchase, buffet just as always- $35. Kid’s mac and cheese- $12. We’ll have a raffle, silent auction and the mustache competition with prizes to follow.We’re toying around with letting a different department do the Roast. We’ve had the pleasure of ripping the shenanigans out of y’all (see what I did there?) every year. Might be time to share the wealth.We’ll see.

As always, we’ll have a specialty Stone Beer, brewed by the one and only Kris Ketcham.Drink that one! $2 of every event beer and $1 of every Stone beer will go tothe recipient.

Who’s the recipient? Not sure. Submit your nominations, we hope to choose by the end oft his month. We’re looking for a firefighter or first responders (or the families left behind), who have come under tragedy, and financial distress. Submit your nominations here: https://wkf.ms/4oAYLqw

I live in Valley Center.If there’s any place around here that’s likely to have real cowboys, its there.When Park Circle (the new housing track pimple in VC) was constructed, it got hard to tell who were the real country folks and who were the wannabe posers.

Hammes (Vista FD) was co-raising a steer with the Kennedys when it escaped on a Sunday morning before church. Kennedy wasn’t home, so he called Hammes and told him it was wandering the neighborhood and needed to be returned. Hammes took his giant family (in church clothes), to the scene of the crime and ran a football pattern ushering next year’s dinner back into the pen. Just as they got it back in, one of our old Sheriffs showed up(in cowboy boots BTW). He was called by the locals concerned about the roaming steer. He took off his glasses, gave a sigh a relief, and said (with a drawl),“You know, it is just so good to see real Valley Center families, doing real Valley Center activities. Now that Park Circles here, I’ll see a dude in a flannel, cowboy hat and boots, lookin’ all lumber sexual and I just can’t tell if he’s from the country or not!”

So, October7th, real or not, bring your boots, bring your hat, bring a mustache, it’s gonna be a hoe-down (not my wife). See you there.

Apparel is ordered, they will arrive in about a week and a half and then start shipping.
Here’s the link: https://www.stachetoberfest.org/
$25 for tanks and T’s
$50-$55 for hoodies and zip sweatshirts.

Not sure if we’re doing a second order this year, so first come, first served.

Please pass this on to your respective departments.

Thanks,
dom